So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
