he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
