I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
