planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
