As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
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he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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