we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
