I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
