They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
