I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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