have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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