do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It's Friday. Sex?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
