i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
