Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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