So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
