I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
