He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
