Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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