Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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