Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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