I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
