you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
