he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize