Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
