is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
