how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
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she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
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you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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