and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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