I'm going to jail i love you
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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