In the future we'll all be gay
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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