You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
