when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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