I wannas sexs uuuuu
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
