so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
