i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
