who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
