Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
