thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
