I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
