Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your dick twin last night
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize