i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
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my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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