Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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