you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
