okay pat passed out under dana's car
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
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there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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