giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
