At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
