so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This is the high leading the old right now
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
