You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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