mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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