I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
