oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
