they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
