11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
