How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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