All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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