Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
