never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
