would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
