The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
