So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
