Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
