she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
