I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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