you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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