i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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