4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
