She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
