That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
