Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
