No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
